A Christmas haiku.
I got my balls a present-
A brand new razor.

While nude in the snow
My balls shrivel and harden
Not unlike walnuts

Disgruntled deli
Don't eat any of the soups
My balls have been dipped

-BHeinatz

From want of smoothness
Once have I tried to use nair
My balls were burning

-BHeinatz

When roads get icy
Most folks will chain up their tires
I chain up my balls

You like nothing more
Than my freshly shaven balls
In your warm, wet mouth

my balls are twitching
i have a mean migraine
life is fucking good!

you should fear the balls
and the judgment they might cast
all over your stuff

as a great thank-you
i'll summon the balls for you
most people love this

I need some Advil.
Last night I threw my back out
playing with my balls.

My balls are heavy!
That's why I threw my back out
while playing with them.

Eh? What's that you say?
Oh, you've never hurt your back
playing with your balls?

Your balls must be small!
Ha, ha, ha! Your balls are small!
Everybody laughs.

Balls are the zenith
of man's civilization.
What is the nadir?

rotten zombie balls
provide a convenient snack
for other zombies

if you love jesus
you'll teabag your enemies
in a righteous way

When weightless in space
The contents of my sack float
Free, like asteroids.

these balls be dext'rous
deal cards and shoot some dice
mess y'all up real nice

balls get caught in the
breeze sometimes get swept away
like fluffy white tuft

Due to chastity
My swollen balls need release
How YOU doin', girl?

My iron ore balls
Hang toward magnetic North.
Silva would be proud.

-jbs

Oh my fucking god.
My dickhole just talked to me.
Man, I'm tripping balls.

-JBS

In youth, I tanned nude
Too often! Now my scrote has
Bad melanoma.

To improve your balls
Massage vigorously with
Dr. Bronner's Soap

quick step in the nude
balls flap and slap like klackers
your wife laughs at you

my balls lost their pep
now they're all droopy and lame
i hope they'll improve

cool wintry testes
lest she forget to taste me
fools may never drop

One of the biggest
non-sequiturs you can make
is mention your balls.

My leprechaun friend
Complained of his stinky balls.
"Irish Spring don't work!"

Why is it that we're
All so testicularly
Focused in this blog?

When I'm old I know
My balls will shrivel just as
Grapes left in the sun

My balls given names

On my birth certificate:

Pete and MacFarland

When I'm having fun
My balls slap out the rhythm
Of African drums

When balls to the walls
In the halls of all the malls
The panties all falls.

girl, if i had balls
they would be shrunken by now
from your vicious stare

-Yes and L

What time is it, man?
Half past a monkey's ass, a
quarter to his balls.

-jbs

Indiana Jones
Went to darkest Africa
To eat monkey balls

Smiths night at Danny's
One hundred million hot babes
My balls are flustered

Balls and shit, man. Balls!
Balls and shit, man! Balls and shit!
You're not listening.

-jbs

Don't piss on my balls
and tell me that it's raining.
My balls know better.

-jbs

Dude said, "Suck my balls"

I'm always one step ahead

I said, "Present them"

Daily I jerk off 

To these balls haikus - I know, 

I have a problem

Football, baseball, squash
Tennis, ping pong, jai alai
Wait, what's the topic?

My balls turned so blue
At the very thought of you
One stroke and I blew

drank so much coffee
that my balls started twitching
wonders never cease

how you gonna pay?
peckerhead checker asked me
go lick balls, i said

i lifted my balls
let some folks amble on through
set them down again

Yeah, play with my balls.
Play with my balls, play with my...
Hey wait, I'm not done!

~Jon

Concerning women.
Some of them don't suck on balls.
Underachievers.

~Jon

Ahh, the money shot.
Give credit to the testes.
They do all the work.

~Jon

My balls are too big.
They weigh me down ev'ry day.
Elephantitis.

~Jon

Take your balls in hand.
Shave them with cream and razor.
It will change your life.

~Jon

Locker room horseplay
A wet towel snaps my sack
Splits, balls tumble out

Give your balls a treat.
Go on, you know you want to.
Have they not earned it?

-jbs

There's no need to shout.
Please, stop yelling at my balls.
Shh. You're scaring them.

-jbs

Out at the Old Town,
my balls shrivel up. Way up!
Loud noise scares my balls.

-jbs

Our Shark

Balls go into cage

And cage goes into salsa

Shark is in salsa

-Pete

i like riding bulls
smash the balls, flap and flail
there's nothing better

Requiem for a Space Moose

Dreaming about breasts
Big, ripe, disembodied tits
I awake, turgid

~ http://www.cs.grin.edu/~wellons/comics/space-moose/poetry2.gif

Mandy was confused
I spoke of nachos and she
Thought that I meant balls

-mpn

Lance Armstrong's Lament

When I'm feeling bored
I like to massage my nuts
Oh no! It's a lump!

A Formidable Obstacle to Ambulation

I had a bad day
Yesterday I woke up and
I tripped on my balls

Steep This....

My balls hang so low
I smack people from afar
Long distance teabags

Flesh Pearls

All the fly bitches
Want to suck on my satchel
Line forms to the right

When I tape my balls,
I use digital hi-8.
Looks and sounds the best.

-jbs

when you tape your balls
what kind of tape do you use
i'm using scotch tape

does it take balls to
shoot to kill another or
is it cowardice

elefant got ballz
2 big ol' pachyderm ballz
oh where to put em

-Dano

Sing it from your balls

"I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SA-AY!"

"SHOCKOCTOCOTCOC!"

-Pete

Bush sucks Satan's balls
that is all i have to say
die in pain, fucker

"maps like, and such as"

Miss Teen South Carolina

Must have balls for brains

-Pete

I'll cut your balls off.
You hear that, motherfucker?
I'll cut your balls off.

-jbs

Yo Luke:  I just read

Your haiku about the flag.

Similar balls themes!

-Pete

In a time of war...

Why'd you hoist your balls

To the top of that flagpole?

For love of country.

-Pete

permission granted
you may portray my balls on
your national flag

The rape of the sack

O glittering forfex wide

Castration ensues

-Pete (thx alexander pope)

shorts in Hawaii
centipede crawls over balls
freak out, maybe die.

saturday is a
great day to take your balls out
shine'em, whatever

i have to reach down
grab up my balls with both hands
just to feel normal

he's reefin' on it
really gettin' after it
suck a nut, dude, yeah!

Pete himmed me on balls.

At least they were a dog's balls.

It could have been worse.

zesty seafood

searched the salty sea
she swallowed man oysters whole
beneath the sea slug

-B (tnx Bub!)

prez received a call.
...national security...
something about balls....

this is how we roll
with bricks, sticks, fuckin' crowbars,
balls to the walls, man.

skipped across the lake
on two really abused balls
face-plant in hard sand

everyone's honking
yelling and making a fuss
all over my balls

accidentally
forgot my balls at the park
they found their way home

Gently squeeze my balls
Strangle me a little bit
Squeeze my balls again

-jbs (thx scb3)

Batman loves big balls

Dark knight: Who has the biggest?

Cap'n America

Albert Einstein kicks
theoretical balls in
the gnadth dimension

play call of duty
against wetballs one three three
oh,fuck he's killed me.

Sometimes, when I'm strapped,
The gat, tucked in my waistband,
points right at my balls.

-jbs

My balls are stalking

Walking in their big black boots

But when will they shoot?

-Pete

Hopping a chain link
Fence can be quite dangerous
Don't tear your coinpurse

-mpn

Hmm... my balls sure do

Spend lots of time together

Maybe they are gay.

-Pete

I'll tell you once more:

Get that shit out of my face

Or you'll lose a ball

-Pete

Deuce and a quarter

From 1972

That shit has balls son

=Pete

I told her, "You make
My nuts tight." She said she did
Not know what I meant.

-mpn

Roller coaster balls,
Up and down and 'round we go!
My balls just threw up.

-jbs

Almost ev'ry day
Buster hits me in the balls.
My life fucking sucks.

-jbs

bee bopaloo balls
ramalama ding dong balls
dip dip dip dip balls

-jbs

a twinkling iris
a majestic cornea
eye balls are balls too

-jw

damn, why do i need
a fucking google account
to write about balls?

two balls in a shell
just waiting to be tasted,
like snacks at the bar.

Super Pitfall rocks!
The music rocks. Homeboy's blue.
Are his balls blue too?

-jbs

Blondie walking by,
don't think I didn't catch you
peeking at my balls.

-jbs

Thirsty Balls

One Jameson please,
on the rocks, splash of bitters.
Better make that three.

-jbs

wiener goes with nuts,
like cherries and butts, hehe
haikus don't make sense.

from dana

build a nice li'l house
decorate the walls with art
and tack up some balls

swinging from a limb
by a rope around my balls
this is dignity

clinton has no balls
maybe she will win the race
leader with no balls

my balls are a church
people come inside to pray
save their sorry souls

i announce myself
by handing my balls over
to the guests present

that's a male plane
how the hell would you know that?
it has little balls

Stuck on 2 Down: Five

Letters - B (blank) L L S

I suck at crosswords

Russ and Pete's small balls

In my face before a test

Good Lord, they were small

On the big island
A coffee shop has the name
"Donkey Balls." Won't go.

Three straight elections

My balls voted for Nader

What a fucking waste

my eyes are my own
my hands and feet and brainstem
but my balls are yours

black market treasure
smuggled through hostile borders
sad sad tiger's balls

My coworker said,
"You've got some balls, man" because
I played Steely Dan

See the stout pitbull?
He sits like that to keep his
Balls off the cold ground

On hot summer days

During long, cold winter nights

My balls like ice cream

Give it some more gas!
Don't let the clutch out so fast!
My balls can't drive stick.

-jbs

She ordered foie gras.
I offered my balls and said,
"These are pretty fowl."

-jbs

They saw me and said,
"Oh my god he's got a gun!
Wait. That's just his balls."

-jbs

give balls as a gift
it's the only decent thing
you can ever do

sing ho for the balls
sing derry ding dong dilly
then slap yourself thrice

these balls are magic
hairy portenders of truth
you gowna die, fool

slap some mirrors on
dangle me and shine a light
dig the disco 'nads

drive over my balls
if you think you have the balls
we'll see who has balls

my balls could sneak up
kick your balls hard in the teeth
and take your woman

wish I had whiskers
long ones on my stealthy balls
night navigation

he reached blindly back
grabbed hairy little dog balls
leave it to Dano....

tanuki comes down
parachutes with his ball sack
from home of the gods

forty thousand bucks
could buy you one of my balls
so cheap so damn cheap!

My balls will not fit
In a big wheelbarrow
I must shoulder them

I laughed my balls off
At your self-deprecation
They grew back bigger

Polytheistic balls

Gonad, Testicle,
Coin purse, Scrotum, Baby Brain,
Sack. Lowercase balls.

Papist Balls

Ban contraceptive.
Catholic Balls make babies.
In Balls we trust.

Agnostic Balls

I might have Balls...I'm
not sure they exist. Do you
believe in my Balls?

Zen Balls

Buddha's not attached
to his balls. He gave his to
Peter Griffin's face.

You ever noticed
Newborns have bright red ball sacks?
like a baboons ass

-jaime

I like that one part
in Funny Farm when Chevy
Chase eats those lamb fries.

-jbs

My balls are so long,
I tattooed them and threw out
my measuring tape.

-jbs

"How's business, Curtis?"
None of yours, you lousy prick.
Your question licks balls.

-jbs

Strom Thurmond had balls.
Now they are worm food, rotting
in his racist grave.

-jbs

Rappers' fav'rite balls:
murder murder murder balls,
and kill kill kill balls.

-jbs

May I introduce
supplanter of all things "ball,"
... (that's your cue, Jaime)

-jbs

Balls Haiku Haiku

All these balls haiku
(and, yes, I include my own)
seem a bit contrived.

-jbs

Ten or so haiku
about balls right before bed.
Oh, what dreams may come!

-jbs

My ball sack shriveled
when that ghost jumped out at us
in the haunted house.

-jbs

Don't buy used.

A bicycle seat
saturated with the sweat
of a stranger's balls.

-jbs

The best part about
America's Roller Coast:
Topsy-turvy balls.

-jbs

Guess what, scientists.
That was no lunar eclipse.
My balls blocked the sun.

-jbs

Santa gave me coal
for being naughty this year.
Last year, I got balls.

-jbs

Could you spare a dime?
My balls need to make a call.
They have forty cents.

-jbs

Why did Princess Di
accomplish so many things?
Answer: She had balls.

-jbs

My balls are stubborn.
They absolutely refuse
to stay within reach.

-jbs

Royal Majesty,
in their humble servitude,
my balls bow deeply.

-jbs

Popeye Sailorman,
Instead of spinach biceps,
you get wilted balls.

-jbs

I fucking dare you,
dare you to keeble my balls.
Stupid Keebler elves.

-jbs

Named your balls for us?

See the man who has three balls?

John Snyder, you're him.

Kevin and Betsy.
That's what I have named my balls.
Hear that, Dykemas?

-jbs

I can't see but I

know that one ball is blue and

the other is green

- Jane

My balls have glasses

because they can't see very well

They are far-sighted

- Jane

My balls are partners

always doing the right thing

in crime and in love

-Jane

I saw the balls on
A bull mastiff at the park
Had to look away

a night on the town
a cincinnati bow tie
she's dressed to impress

-B

Old Ben said to him,
"Yoda, they're after your balls!"
Old Ben was confused.

-jbs

Mighty, pulling dog,
you have no balls! I have balls!
Go to the bathroom!

-jbs

infecting seepage
fusing scrotal lining to
sweating inside thigh

Fuzzy, nagging things.
My balls quite resemble a
joey in the pouch.

-jbs

"They are supposed to
be twins" she sighed. But my balls
don't hang that way fool.

Razor's edge

Shaved testicles

Razor's edge so close to pride

Be kind, do not slip

Teaching

Not allowed at all

To write about hairy balls

At work, I must wait

Glory be to the
Father, to the Son, and to
his Holy Gonads

-B

loose...chafing...boxers
oh what to do, what to do?
tight...tidy whities

-B

( )
drawing balls is fun to do!
( )

-B

translation:
bracket space bracket
drawing balls is fun to do!
bracket space bracket

balls in a vice grip
henry rollins holds them firm
he slept on that couch.

don't have 'em so...

&~
{}-
i drew balls instead.

-B

translation:
ampersand tilde
curly brace curly brace dash
i drew balls instead.

getting tutored rules.
what have I been working on?
balls haiku's mostly.

-pto

Steal a camera
Crowd 'round it in the bathroom
Russ's balls are gray

-Pete

Happy birthday, Lew
Relax as I give your balls
An Indian burn

-Pete

political balls

one's black, one woman
both got balls bigger than bush
the future looks bright

-B

Buster has no balls.
He was just a little pup
robbed of a future.

-jbs

Do dogs miss their balls
the way a human would miss
a severed finger?

-jbs

My balls LOVE to dance!
They politely decline, though.
They won't do "the twist."

-jbs

at work not working
reading balls haikus laughing
it was Big Balla!

-B

Graduate students

Sitting in lectures writing

Haikus about balls

-Pete

Naked on the porch

The wind blows through my ballsack

Emancipation

-Pete

Sick with my disease

Will they ever find a cure

For exploding balls?

-Pete

Stinky smelly warm

Rotten melon in the sun

Orange interloper

lam

They've grown tentacles!
My balls have grown tentacles!
It was just a dream

mpn

I've taken the time
To trim a little down there
Handsome, are they not?

mpn

No time for debate
There's blood on the bathroom tile
Get these balls some gauze

mpn

The searing pain spreads
Deep into my abdomen
I've been kicked down there

mpn

Scrotum skin pulled tight
Red and blue like highway maps
Patriotic veins

-jbs

Pull my scrotum tight
Pour His blood in the hollow
Holy sack-rament

-jbs

Dick Ontoast

My balls scarfed a meal.
Seyth was the guy who cooked it.
He had dick on toast.

-JBS

i can hear my balls.
they ask me to turn it up.
hold your horses balls.

-pto

hey balls hit the road!
you are wasting my time balls!
sorry balls, i'm drunk.

-pto

balls love open bars.
they mingle with the ladies
extroverted balls.

-pto

dog in a bathtub
talking about my balls man
they don't fit in there.

-pto

Pummelled by the waves
Drowning in a sea of tears
Can his balls survive?

-Pete

Alone in a field
A flash across the night sky
My balls strike the earth

-Pete

Underneath the tree
On December 25th
New balls for Christmas

-Pete

Thought she was a girl
Until I could smell her balls
Unmistakable

-Pete

Who invented Balls?
It must have been a man who
cared deeply for sperm.

Roll that shit up bitch!
She shouted like a man at
my shy smoking balls.

Five more men were killed
When will the violence end?
Only balls will tell

-Pete

My pastor knelt down
He whispered, "Balls be with you"
"And also with you"

-Pete

Fuck the IRS
Don't pay taxes and they will
Throw your balls in jail

-Pete

Humid, humid room,
are you keeping these balls moist?
I've tried everything.

-rjm

My balls are Prize balls.
Not lottery or keno:
Prize like "County Fair".

-rjm

Who could guess how great
my balls look when I shower?
Would you care to see?

i fell from a great
tower, but my balls caught a
branch on the way down

one man has large balls
and another tiny ones
it's the way things go

i once had a dream
with giant red balls tearing
at my clothes and flesh

eating hard on balls
can look like a pirate ship
from the right angle

-jbs

i injured my balls
and they grafted elbow skin
to my withered scrout

-jbs

a dude strangled his
own balls using the hair that
grew from his own balls

-mpn

two new types of balls:
double indemnity balls
and lasertoast balls

-jbs

balls make life better
balls give me reason to live
balls are gift of life

-jaime?

my balls have a name,
endearing, yet accurate:
"trouble down below"

-jbs

mike has a secret
though he hates to bring it up
it's about his balls

-jbs

all i want is balls
all i think about is balls
it's a pleasant life

-jbs?

i said, "show me food."
he said, "i'll show you my balls."
i thanked him for hours

-jbs

my balls hang low when
it's warm and when it's cold
my balls stay close to me

my balls hurt so bad.
morton andersen's down there
kicking at my balls.

On such days as these,
sorrows of a thousand men
ache within my balls.

-jbs

Father says to son,
"If it were not for my balls,
you would not exist."

-jbs

"wow, look at those things."
"yeah", 'sheed says "those ball's don't lie."
"no 'sheed, they do not."

I wish that my balls
had online multiplayer,
they would pown your balls.

-pto

Balls play hide-and-seek.
They can hide behind a bush
or under a rug.

-jbs

Signal flare goes up,
blazing the side of the street.
My balls blew a tire.

-SSM

My doink is so small

I cannot avoid pissing

All over my balls

-Pete

Hawthorne wrote a lot.
Great fiction regarding balls.
Thank you, Nathaniel.

The snow storm billows.
My balls ask, "Can we go home?"
Yes, balls, we may go.

I call them my balls.
I call them my best buddies.
you can call them, Mr. Balls.

-pto

My balls can drain J's
From anywhere on the court.
My balls are on fire.

-SSM

Jerry Lee Lewis
actually meant to say
"My balls are on fire!"

-jbs

I have a neat trick

Wherein I lift up my balls

Without using hands

-JBS

It's going to take some...

Well, let's call it character.

No.  Let's call it balls.

-Pete

When my balls get drunk

They always get in trouble

With the fucking cops

-Pete

my favorite part
of the lamb of god must be
the lamb of god's balls

-jbs

up in outer space
balls can flop in many ways
thanks to weightlessness

-JBS

all i want to do
is play with somebody's balls
in a hovercraft.

-JBS

camel toe ball sack
you hang low like mama left
perk up, sad, small sack

-Jaime